Why Pro Sports Have Not Embraced Insect Mascots

In the on-going saga of the formulation of an alternative Team Naming System, we continue our exploration of mascots other than ethnically-slanted and personally demeaning names.

Although the first attempt (to use aquatic creature names) went swimmingly, I have chosen to remain:

1. Unsatisfied with primary attempts; and,
2. Steadfast in my conviction that more satisfactory, and also more extraordinary substitutes exist.

This, the second, in-depth phase of this extensive exploration involves the substitution of insect creature's names for the various pro sports teams.  In a fashion similar to the manner in which aquatic creatures were tested for sensitivity to the use of their names as team mascots, I personally assessed the reaction of each of the beasts below.  At no time during the testing did any of them react to repeated, ear-splitting shouts of “Dump the Dung Beetles!” or “Go You Grasshoppers!”  or “Beat their butts you Bumble Bees!”  or “Washington Waterbugs are Wimps!”  In fact, as far as I could tell even the roaches, which have been around even longer than the Native Americans for whom some teams have been named in the past, never even lifted ONE of their many legs in a derisive gesture of dissatisfaction at any time during the testing. 

Therefore, I proceeded with the insect phase in the following manner.  Team names might include:

Atlanta Aphids

Baltimore Black Widows

Boston Bumble Bees

Charlotte Hornets (OK, that's what they already were)

Chicago Bull Ticks         

Cincinnati Caterpillars

Dallas Dung Beetles (a true cattle-country team)

Denver Deer Ticks

Detroit Dog Fleas

Houston Head Lice

Jacksonville Jumping Spiders

Kansas City Crickets

Los Angeles Angleworms

Memphis Millipedes

Miami Mexican Poppy Bugs

Minnesota MicroMites

New York Jelly Fire Bugs (Jets)

New York Grasshoppers (Giants)

Oakland Oven-cleaners (Roaches)

Orlando Opium Bugs

Pittsburgh Parasites

Portland Praying Mantises

San Francisco Fruit Flies

Seattle Silverfish

St. Louis Scorpions

Tampa Bay Termites

Washington Waterbugs

Headlines might read:

Boston Bumble Bees vs. Detroit Dog Fleas:
           “Fleas and Bees itching to buzz each other”

Baltimore Black Widows vs. St. Louis Scorpions:
           “Somebody’s going to get stung in this one”

Boston Bumble Bees vs. Detroit Dog Fleas:
           “Fleas Dog Boston as the Bees Bumble their chances”

Memphis Millipedes vs. Los Angeles Angleworms:
           “Memphis too Sure-footed for the Worms”

Portland Praying Mantises vs. San Francisco Fruit Flies:
           “Fruit Flies Eaten by Mantises”

? Have a favorite team ?  Comment on a potential headline ...