The Lighter Side of Seat Belt Use

New cars have a light on the dash when the driver's seat belt is not fastened.  Some have an additional warning light on the header when the passenger's belt is not fastened.

So the wiring is already present in those cars which have "Fasten Seat Belt" warning lights.

That wiring should be extended to small, bright (~mini-strobe) lights on the outside of the car, just above the driver or passenger side doors.  Driving when not belted-in would turn the lights on, drawing the attention of law enforcement. 

Or maybe the wiring could be attached to the turn-signal switch, so all four lights, two front and two back, would blink if the belts were not fastened.  [Not the best alternative.  Anyone have a better idea?]

Either way, the drivers (and passengers) would know they should use the seat belts or they would stand out in traffic as non-compliant scoff-laws.

Not "dying," Not "passing on," But "embarking."

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 

From the NY Times (ref. link below)“… Frederica Sagor Maas, Silent Movie Era Scriptwriter dies at age 111.  She told all — and maybe more — in interviews and in her memoirs, which she published in 1999 at the age of 99. Before dying on Jan. 5 (2012) in La Mesa, Calif., at 111, Mrs. Maas was one of the last living links to cinema’s silent era. She wrote dozens of stories, adaptations and scripts, sat with Greta Garbo at the famed long table in MGM’s commissary, and adapted to sound in the movies, and then to color …”  

That’s it.  She “just died” on Jan. 5 (2012).  With 111 years of living behind her and a profession as a movie scriptwriter, story-teller, weaver of tales that were powerful enough to draw patrons to the theater and stimulating enough to have them talking, discussing, arguing about the film weeks later … you would think that her story at the end would be captivating good reading.  Nope.  Just “died.”  The fascinating situation that surely would have captivated society at the time was what happened sixty-two years before that last day in January.  Mrs. Maas and her husband … (as told by Douglas Martin, of the NY Times and published: January 14, 2012) …

 "... Impoverished and disillusioned, the couple drove to an isolated hilltop at sunset in 1950 with the intention of asphyxiating themselves. But they could not go through with it, Mrs. Maas said. Suddenly clutching each other, they cried and turned off the ignition ..." 

They didn’t (fortunately) complete their plan but, if they had, it would have been more than “just dying.”

Reference:  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/15/arts/frederica-sagor-maas-scriptwriter-from-the-silent-era-dies-at-111.html?n=Top%2fFeatures%2fMovies%2fNews%20and%20Features%2fObituaries

 

= = = = = =

From the NY Times (ref. link below) “Joel J. Tyler, Judge Who Pronounced ‘Deep Throat’ Obscene, Dies at 90, as told By Bruce Weber and published in the NY Times January 14, 2012

“Joel J. Tyler, who as a Manhattan judge ruled, in a particularly explicit and colorful opinion, that the pornographic film “Deep Throat” was obscene and that the New York City theaters showing it were breaking the law, inadvertently helping it become perhaps the most popular X-rated movie of all time, died in Yonkers on Nov. 9. He was 90. … The cause was a heart attack … ”

Six words, “The cause was a heart attack.”  That’s all for the judge who fined producers of pornographic film hundreds of thousands of dollars, was embroiled in cleaning up Times Square, was an infant immigrant from Romania with his parents, raised by his single-parent mother who supported the family by sewing and who, as a young boy, was given the gift of a life-long limp by a non-discriminating Polio virus.   But he made it.  In fact, he made it big, this man who named himself after a US President.  But, in the end, it all boiled down to just six words at dying.

What was he doing when it hit?  Was he talking with his wife and daughters?  Was he writing or watching a movie or reading?  If he was, what was the topic of the essay or note, what might he have been watching or what author’s work might he have been reading?   Wouldn’t the judge, described by Bruce Weber in the Times, “… as a Manhattan judge (who) ruled, in a particularly explicit and colorful opinion, that the pornographic film ‘Deep Throat’ was obscene and that the New York City theaters showing it were breaking the law …” have had equally as colorful, if not necessarily explicit, words to say at his parting?  Perhaps not, but we will never know what colorful opinions of  this world  he might have treated us to as his parting gift.

Reference:  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/15/nyregion/joel-j-tyler-judge-who-ruled-deep-throat-obscene-dies-at-90.html?n=Top%2fFeatures%2fMovies%2fNews%20and%20Features%2fObituaries

= = = = = =  

 Mona Simpson is a novelist and a professor of English at the University of California, Los Angeles. Since 1988, she has held the Sadie Samuelson Levy Chair in Languages and Literature at Bard College. She delivered this eulogy for her brother, Steve Jobs, on Oct. 16, 2011, at his memorial service at the Memorial Church of Stanford University and published by the NY Times on Oct. 30, 2012.

" ... Before embarking, he’d looked at his sister Patty, then for a long time at his children, then at his life’s partner, Laurene, and then over their shoulders past them.  Steve’s final words were: 

'OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.' " (no exclamation points)

Although, again only six words, at least at the end of an enormously productive and controversial life, we have been given reason to contemplate … just as Steve did throughout his entire life … “what is out there” … “what he saw or didn’t see” … “his reaction to whatever was transpiring within and around him” … “the reaction to the situation that was part and parcel of what millions of users felt about the products he had put in their hands while he was here.” 

Ms. Simpson, a consummate linguist, demonstrates that a single, perfectly chosen word can turn a common “he died” eulogy into a visual experience, communicated with one word , “Wow.”

Reference: from the NYTimes article as told by Professor Simpson herself about her brother: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/30/opinion/mona-simpsons-eulogy-for-steve-jobs.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

"Eat Well! Stay Fit! ... "

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

The most ignorant student can ask a question that even the most intelligent professor cannot answer.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

"What would you like to make for dinner?"  "Reservations."

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

---------------------------------------------------
"The secret services are the only real expression of a nation's character,"
John Le Carre, "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy," 1975.

[Would have added attribution(s) to each, but could not find the data I needed.  Please add to comments if you know.]

Hanlon's Razor Applied to Aliens & Legislators

This is in the town just north of Jupiter, FL.  There is a similar problem in Jupiter itself.  One patient had to go to the emergency room several years ago for AFib (atrial fibrillation, a heart arrhythmia) and the whole waiting room was filled with Hispanic (Mexican/Guatemalan) mothers holding kids with runny noses and non-emergency complaints.  

URL to the video from hospital re costs:
https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=9dd52b97fc&view=att&th=12df332397ab310c&attid=0.1&disp=attd&zw

A number of folks have gotten so frustrated with this nation-wide problem that I have heard them suggest the CIA maneuver of extraordinary rendition of patients
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraordinary_rendition_by_the_United_States) as a proposed solution.   Note: NOT the torture part, just the expedited transportation to their home country.

Personally, if the ERs / Hospitals had an approved policy in place to treat US Nationals with residency proof first, and make the illegals step to the back of the line and wait until everyone else has been diagnosed and treated, I can't really see that as a bad solution.

It may have something to do with personal feelings of "intolerance," but rationally it has everything to do with payment for costly services (e.g., you can't walk in to a PUBLIX and pick up a loaf of bread and walk out without paying for it ... that's a crime ... and medical care for illegals, it could be argued, is no more or less of a crime ... if we charged every illegal with a crime (i.e., stealing the amount of money the care would cost as an objective measure of the crime) every time he/she walked into an ER, in a short time there would be enough data on the PD books to have the Customs and Border Patrol deport that person  for being a Chronic Offender.  (Using laws that are already on the books.)

Just a thought.

Hanlon's Razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
Feel free to apply Hanlon's to any segment of this  episode.  It seems to fit multiple places.

Dollar Tree Robberies & the Economy

One of the major insights gained by the Baltimore Homicide Detectives (#) after years of chasing (and catching) criminals is: "Crime makes you stupid." That would be true of the perps they catch ... and the reason that they can catch them.

But there is another group of bad guys who must be smarter than the average street thugs.  That would be the group that is astute enough about our current trodden-down economic climate to put the Dollar Tree (and / or Dollar Store or other "dollar xxxx" establishments) in their sights.  The reasoning must go something like this:  Many people are out of work.  If they don't have work, they don't have steady income (although they may have money from somewhere).  Wherever they are getting money, it isn't enough to feed, clothe and entertain themselves and the ones for whom they are responsible.  And they know that the general public can still get essential items at cut-rate, discount and low-end retail outlets, so that is where a lot of people now have to shop to get some of what they need.

If all these economically-challenged folks are shopping at "dollar" stores and coming out with the goods they need, then they must be leaving what little cash they have with the clerks inside.  Any, as any fool can plainly see, even if they only leave a few dollars, a horde of shoppers can drop a significant amount of cash in a work-day.  Which explains why the robbery rates at cut-rate stores nationwide are going up during this down economy.

Furthermore, these mooks who are bumping off the dollar stores are also smart (maybe not Real smart, but smart enough) to realize that Willie Sutton's law can, in this day and age, refer to the Concept of a Bank, (*) not the actual commercial bank buildings per se.  [Willie robbed banks, so he told the FBI when they caught him, because "that's where the money is."]

From their updated point of view, a "bank" is anyplace sitting on a wad of cash, and today that means dollar stores.  In addition, robbing dollar stores doesn't carry with it the serious Federal charges (*) (minimum: 10 years, maximum: death penalty) that robbing a real bank does.

So, what have we learned from this economics lesson: 1. All criminals are not that stupid; 2. Money flows where people goes; 3. A rose may be a rose may be a rose, but a Bank is not a banque is not a bank; 4. Robbers who used to pull heists at First Federal are now expanding the "Concept of Banking" to include shopping for bargains at cut-rate places and avoiding the Federal charges.

Time marches on!  (Oh, that would be a great name for a newsreel at the local Cine-Plex.)

-------- Afterword -----------
Try this link:
https://www.google.com/search?q=robberies+at+Dollar+Tree

Robber's Rap Sheets: Johnson City, TN (second time in a week); Spartanburg, SC (parollee); Roanoke, VA (two men with firearms: Kshawn Marque Kelly with Decarlos Marchand and a woman, Dominique Montrell); it's a family thing).  [NOTE: "Police responded to the robbery around 10:28 p.m. and said they found the three adult suspects near Sundae Grill within minutes of the crime." (?? Having an after-robbery ice cream??) Maybe Baltimore cops are right.];

Sacramento, CA (described as "an Asian man"); Massapequa, NY, (robbed by a GA man); Xenia, OH (asking specifically for "the night's deposits" ... might as well let the employees scoop up the cash for you, then grab the bag); a second report at another Sparanburg, SC, Dollar Tree store; Fairview Heights, MS; and Newport News, VA, Madison County, AL, Modesto, CA, FL, OH, MD, UT, IL, LA,  on and on ...

Google reports at the top of this search for "robberies at Dollar Tree" 934,000 results in 0.22 seconds.  I decided to not list them all. [NOTE: it would be interesting to take all 934,000 hits and plot them on a US map.  I got the feeling from reading through the Google results that the sites were skewed toward the SE and deep south, but that's just a "feeling," not a statistically-significant comment.]

(#) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homicide:_Life_on_the_Street  lots of links to videos, etc.

(*) see: http://www.justice.gov/usao/eousa/foia_reading_room/usam/title9/crm01349.htm
Subsection (f) defines the term "bank." A bank includes any member bank of the Federal Reserve System, and any other banking association, trust company, savings bank operating under the laws of the United States, including a branch or agency of a foreign bank (as defined in paragraphs (1) and (3) of section 1(b) of the International Banking Act of 1978), and any institution in which the deposits are insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation or "FDIC."  Well, it used to, but not so narrowly any more.

Pot Holes and Pennsylvanians

We create smooth asphalt or concrete roadways, then wonder why people drive too fast and don't obey the speed limits.

Currently, our streets are being torn up because sewers are being installed.  The sewer / pipe-laying crews throw loose asphalt back on top of the torn up streets, but don't put a steam roller on it to smooth it out.

The consequence is that it is almost impossible to drive the 0.9 mile stretch from the market to our street at anything more than 25 miles an hour ... unless you want to tear up your car undercarriage.

The result of this trash on the road: even the known speeders, and the construction trucks, the teenagers and vacation visitors from Pennsylvania, Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, Canada and New York have been observed driving on the torn up streets at a reasonable speed, i.e., at 25 mph, despite the posted Speed Limit being 35 mph.  The Speed Limit signs have never been effective, but the cruddy roadway has slowed everyone down. 

Is there a message here?  Maybe we should petition the City Council to leave the ruts and ruined asphalt just the way they are and see what happens to the number of speeding tickets in the next few months.   In the current jargon: "I'm just sayin' ..."

PS: Nothing against the Pennsylvanians, or other tourists who visit Our Fair City.  They just happened to come from a state that allowed alliteration in the title.  I could have used POntario, PDelaware or PNew Jersey, but it just wouldn't have been the same.

Substitution Game

[Going to church] doesn't make you a [Christian] any more than 
going to [a garage] makes you a [mechanic].

Add your suggestions in the Comment area.

The Work You Speed to Hate

An irony of the depressed economy: Roughly 9% of people in the US don’t have a job … and they comprise a group whose complaints about being out of work rank at the top of most survey concerns about our country.

However, one of the common complaints from people who have work is how they hate their jobs. 

So I don't understand why the ones with jobs speed on the freeway, pass on curves, cut in and out of traffic and, in general, make a NASCAR-like race out of driving to work every morning.

Reminds me of the poem (I would post an attribution, but can’t find one):

            As a rule

Man’s a fool:

When it’s hot

He wants it cool.

When it’s cool

He wants it hot.

What it is

He wants it not.

Failure of Newspapers, Reason for

Research and analysis of gross and net revenues of the nation's print newspapers and their suppliers has revealed some interesting information.  Two relationships have been discovered, one direct and one inverse. 

The direct relationship is described by the fall in purchases of printer's ink and newsprint, and the gross revenues generated by newspaper sales.  This relationship has been characterized as one which should be "intuitively obvious to the casual observer."  A not-so-obvious, but just as concrete a direct relationship has been noted between the decrease in newspaper sales and the decrease in the sales of ink-stain removal products.

The inverse relationship, which should be just as obvious is between the decline in print-edition sales and the rise of revenues due to the sales of eReaders (various products), tablet computers (e.g., iPad(r) and iPhone(r)), the Amazon Kindle Fire(r), the Barnes and Noble NOOK(r) and the like.

Our analysis, proprietary and (probably) of non-generalizable nature, is that the general public has become fed up with cleaning printer's ink deposited on fingers, hands and everything those appendages touch (e.g., white toasters and other appliances, white kitchen faucets, counter-tops upon which the papers lie (lay?) while being read, smudges on white shirts and blouses and a myriad of other otherwise sparkling, clean items about the well-kept home). 

While the smudges are some of the most obvious draw-backs to daily newspaper subscriptions, there is the peripheral disadvantage of having finger-prints all over the house.  Even the least adept, CSI trainee is able to lift those prints from glasses, plates, every-day silver and mirrors, to name but a few areas from which an identity can be determined.  Day-to-day readers may not be under suspicion of anything (except participating in the demise of the print media), but in the unique situation where a specific individual is being sought, a random finger print may be critical to closing the case, and therefore, be a reason for even the most ignorant criminal to cancel his (her) daily subscription.

It, therefore, seems obvious that the tidy middle class homemakers have decided that "newspapers must go," that ink-removing tasks (and the costs thereof) are a burden to be dispensed with, and that the neat, clean and continuously-updated digitized information  delivered to us inside our warm, dry, heated and air conditioned homes it the option of choice. 

In addition, having that digital information delivered to us 24/7 on our eReader equipment (various manufacturers) is far preferable to having to brave the wind, rain, snow, sleet, ankle-deep water and other environmental hazards when getting the paper thrown on to the driveway by the brazen little snot, with the entitlement attitude, on his bicycle who will TP our trees at Halloween or misplace our paper completely if he is not given a handsome monetary (cash) reward at Christmas. 

The newspaper as a modern-day utility is going the way of all dinosaurs.  We can only take heart in the fact that those dinosaurs, their bones and altered flesh are now, after eons of metamorphosing into Light Sweet Crude, are lighting the way to our petroleum-fueled future.  The horse-and-buggy days were replaced by internal combustion engines.  The print media is being, understandably, replaced by digital data delivery.  And it has all happened, in the case of newspapers, because of the printer's ink smudges on our new, white, Cuisinart(r) toaster.

Please pass the butter.

New Club for the Holidays

About the holidays:  For those who dread the Thanksgiving-to-New Years time period, here is an idea.

There is something very disturbing about the excessive commercialism, the hype, the Before-, During-, and After-Christmas sales, and all those GD people on TV who fill the screen with fake smiles and "good will."  It just elevates our basic, underlying chronic depression to very uncomfortable (murderous, not suicidal) levels.

So, come next week we will be doubling our ZOLOFT dose until mid-January  ... and avoiding most of the holiday TV programming ... including the musical shows that just HAVE to play The Little Drummer Boy for the 137th time ... it's a good thing that the composer is already dead or I would go "off" the bastard myself.

Maybe we should form a new club for people who hate the holidays.  We could call it "The Hum-Buggers" and when the club meets we could just sit there and grunt in disgust for an hour each week until the season is finished.  That works for me.  How about you?

The Jewish Tie Salesman & the Terrorist

A fleeing terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert  when he saw something far off in the distance.  Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a l little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.

The terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water.  Would you like to buy a tie?   They are only $25."

The irate terrorist shouted, "You Idiot!  I do not need an over-priced tie!  I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the little old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me.  I will show you that I am bigger than that.  If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need.  Shalom."

Cursing, the terrorist staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said: 

"Your brother won't let me in without a tie."

-------------------------------------------------------------

Moral:

If you don't ask the right question, you will never get the right answer.

The question was not "where can I find water."  The haberdasher answered that question.

The question should have been "how can I get the water I need?"  The haberdasher did not answer how to get the water (by wearing a tie), which is what the terrorist really wanted to know, but didn't have sense to ask for.

Smoking and The License to Kill (yourself)

I am a physician.  At the time in my teenage development when I would have taken up cigarettes I was given two alternatives by my father.  Dad was a track and field coach at the University of Kansas.  He had some modest successes, like Al Oerter, my roommate in college who has won the Olympic Discus competition so many times I have lost count.   

Anyway, my Dad said:  "Son, you have two choices." 

(To myself I thought: "Gee!  Neat!  What will the choices be?  Cigars or cigarettes?  Cigarettes or a pipe ... that would be distinguished.")  

"To wit:" he said, "You may smoke anything you like.  Or you may continue to live at home with your mother and me."

So, I am a physician and I am a non-smoker.  I am also a realist.  After all the years and all the patients and all the lectures about how they should stop smoking I finally bowed to my wife's assessment of addicts: "They aren't going to give up their addiction no matter what you do.  Instead of wasting your time on folks who will never change, why don't you concentrate on a solution that would get smokers to pay for their own excessive medical care utilization?" 

Then, off-handedly she threw in a couple other ideas.  "And while you are at it, why don't you come up with a comprehensive approach that would keep the tobacco companies in business, create a new support industry to monitor smokers and cigarette purchases.  And don't forget to at least make sure that only adults can purchase cigarettes.  You probably can't control the adults who will give cigarettes to minors, but you can try to restrict buying to an adults-only population."

"Anything ELSE!" I moaned, "or is that ALL you think I should do?" 

"That ought to do it for now.  Let me know what you come up with." 

And she waltzed out into her eggplant and tomato garden, leaving me thinking I never should have mentioned the Attorney's General and their suits against the tobacco companies in the first place.  I reminded myself that, "If I would just listen to the ATC (All Things Considered) reports and analyses on situations like this and not try to participate in the discussion, I would be a lot better off."

But then, I DID get to thinking about a solution and, in a flash, it came to me: create a Smoking License,  a License to Smoke, just like a private pilot's license or a driver's license.  Look at the logical parallels. 

Take the private pilot's license as an example: if God had meant for men to fly, we would have been born with wings and an intrinsic ability to sense the magnetic fields of the earth so we could find our way home as automatically as migrating birds.  And private citizens are licensed so when they commit "pilot error" and "buy the farm" as the saying goes in aviation circles, the Transportation Safety Board will be able to look at the license and see who the fool was who thought he could take a short-cut through the thunder storm, instead of flying around it.  This is an example of the pilot certification becoming, so to speak, a License to Fly and similar to James Bond's double-0-7 license, a License to Kill.  Of course, in this aviation example it is a License to Kill Yourself.

Now take the driver's license as a second example: unlike flying, God did intend for all of us to drive, even those who logically should be restricted to riding a bus for life and never getting behind the wheel of anything besides a NASCAR-simulator arcade game.  And since driving does not require the ability to discern magnetic fields or even have the good sense to THINK while operating a motor vehicle, the piece of paper issued by the State DMV also could be viewed as a License to Kill. 

Unfortunately, especially in the case of intoxicated drivers, it is usually a License to Kill Others, like old people, mothers driving a van full of neighborhood kids to their ballet lesson or a school bus full of high school band members going to Washington to perform for the President.

Which brings me to the Smoking License, an outstanding concept in licensing, if I do say so myself.  Here is the answer to all of the seemingly impossible criteria my psychologist wife imposed on my potential solution:

Anyone, that is, any adult wishing to smoke would simply apply for a Smoking License.  The marvelous aspect of this solution is that the infrastructure to issue, revoke and monitor the Smoking License is already in place at, where else (?):  the Department of Motor Vehicles.

They already have the computers, the cameras for you photo ID, the laminating machines and the billing and payment programs in place.  In addition, they have on-line communication with every Police Department across the country.

When you are old enough to drive, you get a license.  When you are old enough to smoke, you update your license to reflect the fact you smoke.  How do the Authorities know you are a smoker?  When they take your picture at the DMV, they stick a cigarette in your mouth.  Actually, they would stick a bright, white plastic tube with a disposable tip in your mouth, indicating your chosen preference for black, congested lungs, a hacking cough and the ability to irritate everybody near you who is allergic to cigarette smoke.

In addition to the DMV fee for the motor vehicle license, a smoker would also pay the Smoking License Fee.  This could be a lump sum payment, assuming the smoker had a couple thousand dollars handy at the time of application.  Otherwise, smokers could remit the Smoking License Fees in monthly installments throughout the year.  The actual fees paid would be calculated by the State Attorney General in conjunction with data provided by the State Health Director and would vary with the average amount per person spent on smoking-related diseases in that State during the preceding 12 months. 

Finally, we come to the only part of the solution requiring the application of a little technology: the new bar code or magnetic credit card-like strip on the back of the Smoking License.  The bar code or mag strip would be read by the new tobacco vending machines, or by clerks selling tobacco at retails stores.  The machines (and the retail clerks) would only dispense cigarettes to those with a valid license.  In addition, the mag-stripe license card would be tied to a network (like a credit card network that monitors all the purchases made using the License to Kill (yourself).  The more one used the card, the higher the dollar surcharge that would be attached to each sale.  This is based on the fact that the more one smokes, the more likely they will have to use scarce medical resources when they get lung, heart and other smoking-induced problems.

So, there you have the elements of a solution to the problem of regulating tobacco use.  It allows smokers to keep smoking, States to continuously collect revenue to cover the cost of smoking-related illness, vending machine operators to continue vending, but only to adults with Smoking Licenses and the tobacco companies to keep producing "nicotine-delivery products," so the growers don't have to sit, dejectedly in their North Carolina fields, smoking their whole crop themselves.

For further information on the Smoking License, Model Legislation and Lobbying Assistance Funds, please contact the Foundation for Smoking License Promotion, an intellectual think-tank.  The Foundation is funded by three groups which have only altruistic motives for helping smokers: the Pulmonary Disease Physicians of America (who care for acutely and chronically ill lung patients), the National Chest Disease Hospitals of the U.S. (who provide the intensive respiratory care units used by the Pulmonary Disease Physicians) and T-OPEC,  (The Tobacco and Other Products Economic Council) an independent, non-partisan, unbiased arm of the tobacco industry.  NOTE: No animals were harmed in the course of this research . . . in fact, no animals were even used, just humans. 

"... Can't help thinking about tomorrow ..."

    The Discrimination Engine principle would have those of us in "overload mode" consider the difference between what is labled "urgent" (usually by others, for us) and that which is labled "important" (which we should be able to do for ourselves).   The fact is that it is usually superiors who force us into overload by cramming our days with they designate as "urgent" when, in fact, most of those urgent things characteristically have no significant importance ... they are just things the superior doesn't want to do and can fob off on someone lower.

     If you can keep the list of objectively important things clearly in mind, then you have an option for the Fobber (if you are the Fobbee):  "I would love to do your Fobbogenic Task, but I will have to stop what I am doing for the Big Fobboblastic Boss (to whom you answer) to do what you are asking.  If you think that would be OK, then just let me know and I'll get right on it."  

  (The rest of the unspoken dialogue you should have only with yourself and not the Fobber:  "Otherwise, go pound sand, quit trying to fob this kind of crap off on me, and go do it yourself !!")

Combat for Dummies: Advice from military instruction manuals

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." -- U.S. Marine Corps

"Aim towards the enemy." -- Instruction on U.S. Rocket Launcher

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." -- Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M-203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it.   That could make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
-- Army's preventive maintenance advisory

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
-- U.S. Air Force manual

"Tracers work both ways." -- U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." -- Infantry Journal

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." --Infantry Journal

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." -- USAF Ammo Troop

Thinking Out Of The (T.O.O.T.) Box

... or, as my grandfather used to say: "If you don't toot your own horn, nobody will."

The Short Version:
So many people are reaching back 15, 20 or more years into the past with sexual abuse accusations ... and making hundreds of thousands of dollars suing ... that it seems like a great strategy to cover my income needs for the next 10 to 15 years.  Here is my plan:

The Long Version:
It all began when I turned 75 in April.  That was seven months ago.  I became semi-retired and, with that change in status, my income began to drop.  In each succeeding month my income has continued to go down little-by-little.  I am now close to being in the same boat as 9.1% (or 10.5%, or 16.7%, depending upon which ethnic or nationality-affiliated group you are talking about) of the people in the US who are unemployed. 

Since I am not one to accept entitlement benefits from state or federal agencies I have had to evolve a strategy for supporting myself by "Thinking Out Of The box," or TOOT(B).  I have been forced to create TOOT(B) because TOOT(A), i.e., Thinking Out Of The box-Plan A (salary generated by working for one or another large corporations) has cocked me a snook and left me searching for creative answers to survive.

Hence, the new TOOT(C) Plan (Thinking Out of The Box-Cash Option):  I will describe here, with some detail about how it will be implemented.  First, a little background about my High School teachers and coaches.  We had a Physical Education teacher (who was also a football coach) who was a former Marine, a sadist and a believer in corporal punishment.  When any of the kids in Gym Class would misbehave he would take us back into his office, close the door and proceed to "set us straight" on what we had done wrong and how we could "make it up to him."  (You know what THAT means, don't you?)   What he did vis-a-vis physical punishment will not be described in detail.  However, actual punishment did include verbal insults, and comments on how poorly we performed calisthenics, episodes of what he called "necessary physical contact" (again, you know what that means) and diatribes on how miserable our state of physical conditioning was and other specific and general critiques of our useless existence, usually screamed at us.  He also gave us each a failing grade for any day we showed up with dirty gym clothes.  He went so far as to check our BVDs personally (and probably sneak a peek down our drawers) almost daily.  If the BVDs didn't come out sparkling, the next thing we could expect was a Giant Wedgie, which would definitely result in our having to take our stuff home and throw it in the washer.  Suffice it to say, he punished every kid in the class at one time or another.

In addition to the physical punishment meted out by the coach, we were also psychologically tortured by, among others, our Latin teacher.  We were forced to actually learn that dead language ("It will help you immeasurably in English class later"), read aloud "Caesar's Gallic Wars" in Latin in front of the whole class and recite many long passages from memory to get any kind of passing grade.  It was pure torture. 

With this knowledge commonly known to our entire High School class, I am putting together a class action law suit which is going to be based on this Psycho-Sexual Physical and Psychological Abuse perpetrated on us during our 10th, 11th and 12th grades.  My intention is to sue the coach and teachers (whether still alive or currently dead), the school system, the past and current school board members and the city council members to whom the educators report.  The amount of the suit will be determined by how much money I want for "pain and suffering" all these years and be driven, in principle, by Pareto's Law, which says 80% of everything that gets done is accomplished by 20% of the people.  Therefore, I am going to contact the most active 20% of our class in the belief that we can get 80% of the suit done in record time.  In addition, my plan is to split the (est.) $100 million this way: 80% of the $100M will go to the 20% of us who brought the suit.  The other 20% of the money can be split among the 80% who didn't lift a finger to help us. 

We have as a consultant to our group, an image specialist from D.C., who will counsel us on how to use innuendo, vague threats, completely unsubstantiated accusations, and stories that you couldn't even pull out of a cocked hat if you were the world's best magician.  We also have a journalist who has worked extensively with sensationalist rags like "The Enquirer" and is an expert in using inflammatory, accusatory, off-the-wall language, epithets and slurs.  We will use his talents to make the language of all the details in the law suit as wild and out of control as is humanly possible. 

The fact that none of the abuse accusations that will be made in this suit are totally fictitious is irrelevant.  The suit is not based on truth, it is based on the desire to make money and, if similar suits that have been filed recently are any indication of success, I think that I will have found the solution to my lack-of-income problem. 

About the future: once I am back on my feet financially, I am considering making sexual assault and / or abuse charges against Kim Cheo-seon ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eunuch) for behavior "unbecoming to an officer and a gentleman" (OK, gentleperson) and Marilyn Monroe (in abstentia, er, absentia) for two-timing me with JFK.  That will fix HER image once and for all.